Monster Cleaning Wood Green is a small firm working flats and houses across the London Borough of Haringey, from the Noel Park terraces east of the High Road, up the slope towards the palace, and out as far as Bounds Green. Handovers and hourly housework take up most weeks. Floors, ovens, soft furnishings and team deep cleans fill in around them. None of the pricing is a secret: handovers open at £156, an hour of weekly housework is £23, and the list is the same at both ends of the round.
What Wood Green covers here
N22 for the most part, N8 and N11 along the edges, N17 across Lordship Lane and N4 at the Harringay Ladder. Haringey on the paperwork, with every street of it on the same list.
Two kinds of street behind one high street
Wood Green is a working London high street with two very different residential grains sitting behind it. East of the High Road is Noel Park, a planned late Victorian model estate laid out between Lordship Lane and Westbury Avenue, almost entirely terraced, small, uniform, and a conservation area now. Go west and north and it changes to standard Victorian terraces along the Alexandra Park slope, then to Edwardian semis with generous loft space towards Bounds Green and Turnpike Lane. Over the top of both sits a decade of dense High Road redevelopment, flats built above shops and around new courtyards. Three different sorts of morning inside one round.
The staircase is the local specialism
This is the thing about the patch that a firm driving in from outside gets wrong. Those Noel Park houses were built with a single narrow flight and a turn near the top, and the front rooms are small with the original chimney breast still standing out from the wall. A full sized extraction head will not sit on treads that width. So the machine gets chosen for the staircase rather than for the room: hand tool, short hose, kneeling, one tread at a time. In the front room, two alcoves and a hearth edge mean far more corner work per square metre than the floor area lets on. None of it moves the £41 a flight or the £43 a living room. All of it moves how long the slot needs to be, and a slot booked short is a room done badly. It is the first thing we ask about an address on that estate.
Hard water is the other constant
Thames Water supplies the borough at roughly 300 ppm, so a bathroom takes longer here than the identical bathroom would somewhere soft. Screens cloud. Tap bases crust. Shower heads block up. Scale is a mineral welded to the surface rather than soil resting on it, which is why an acid product and a wait shifts it and scrubbing never will, and those waiting minutes are counted into the quoted figure from the outset.
One front door, several homes
Conversion into flats and licensed shared houses runs very high in the terraces around Noel Park and Lordship Lane, so one address frequently means two or three separate tenancies with separate check-out dates. We price the flat being cleaned rather than the building. Where a house has more than one kitchen or more than one bathroom in daily use, the job is scoped on the rooms genuinely in use rather than on a bedroom count somebody typed into a listing. It is a counting question and we treat it as one, nothing more. N22 also carries one of the highest private rented shares in north London, with much of that market on rolling or twelve month agreements rather than long family lets, so turnover is quick and the last Friday of the month is comfortably the busiest day in our diary.
One cleaner, one home
We build the rota so one person holds one address for as long as it lasts. Households prefer it and the visit runs faster, because nobody spends ten minutes hunting for the bin liners. Most of the regular round leaves a key or fits a safe out of sight by the door, and in the newer blocks it is a fob plus a standing arrangement with the concierge. Whatever we hold carries a number on the tag, never an address. An alarm code gets written down a single time and is never read aloud over the phone. Sickness and holidays happen: you get a call the evening before with either a named stand-in or an alternative day. Nobody turns up unannounced.
Every figure is public
Handovers are settled on size long before the van is booked, running £156 at a studio up to £425 at four bedrooms, with the oven added for £31 and the floors counted apart because so many of these flats are boarded end to end. A cleaner’s hour is £23 weekly or £24 fortnightly, ironing at £12 an hour added to the clean. Floors open at £36 a room, and a rug costs £35 or £51 according to whether it clears 3m². The smallest appliance line is a ceramic hob at £23 (gas £28) with an extractor at £28, ovens run £77 through to £143 for the two oven AGA, and soft furnishings start at £13 for a dining chair. Deep cleans are £26 a cleaner hour plus £30 of kit, so a pair over three hours is £186 and the biggest job we take is £498. One off work starts at £67. Every figure is printed on the prices page, and the quoted figure is the charged figure unless the job itself grows.
Seven days, one rate
We work 8am to 7pm. The hour has never changed a price and neither has the day, so Sunday costs whatever Tuesday costs. Cash, bank transfer or card, Visa and Mastercard and Amex alike.
When we get it wrong
If a check-out report marks down something we cleaned on a move-out, ring 020 8077 9085 inside 48 hours. Somebody comes back and does again whatever was written up, free, with no form and no argument about fault. With a deposit hanging on the report, that is much the fastest route open to you. Hours live on the contact page, our terms carry the small print, and each job has its own section on the services page.
Questions we get asked
How far from Wood Green do you go?
N22 with N8 and N11 on the edges, plus N17 across Lordship Lane and N4 down at the Harringay Ladder. Prices hold across all of it. Beyond it, ring anyway, because the van is usually closer than the map suggests.
Are the prices genuinely fixed?
The handover band is, once the room count is agreed, and it holds unless the property turns out materially unlike the one described. Everything else is a printed rate per room, per appliance or per cleaner hour, all of it published on the prices page.
What if we are not happy with the work?
Ring and tell us. On a move-out, ring inside 48 hours of the check-out and somebody returns to redo whatever the clerk wrote up against our clean, at no charge. Send the report over, since a complaint relayed by an agent rarely names the item that got marked down.